I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
