She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
