Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
