by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
