we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
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and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
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Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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