Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
