Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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