im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
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