the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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