You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Let's paint friendship bongs
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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