Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
