so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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