just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
My life is pants optional.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
