Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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