I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize