i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
