I am in a vortex of obligation.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
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