guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
