working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
