he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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