My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Randomize
