call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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