I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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