my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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