Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
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I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
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just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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