I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
high people should be assigned attendants
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize