sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
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we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
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It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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