Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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