Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm drive I can fine osifer
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
