My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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