FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize