I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
