Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
