Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
