Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
