I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
