Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
