you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
