she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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