At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
