If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Randomize