just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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