Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
