I'm laying in your front yard are you home
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
