Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize