fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
