spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
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so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize