dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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