We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
