I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
