you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
