the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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