....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
