if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
