there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
it's great music for shaving your balls
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
