Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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