Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
