I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
