my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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