It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
